—

“Excuse me sir … excuse me …”
(Mistake of acknowledging the mall kiosk person exists.)
“Do you celebrate Christmas?”
“Nope.”

—

(Cute salesgirl approaches …)
“Are you looking for anything in particular?”
“Do you know which section a book by <Insert author that I think she might like> would be?”

—

“You know that’s a woman’s sweater …?”
“Yeah! Hahaha! … It’s for … My girlfriend … She’s built like me? … Or … Uh … Shoot.”

It was a very small town, the population, I believe, was under 2,000. The town had been picked by experts, in a national article, as the last town in the USA any enemy would attack with an atomic bomb. I could see why.

“We both ought to get jobs,” Joyce said, “to prove to them that you are not after their money. To prove to them that we are self-sufficient.”
“Baby, that’s grammar school. Any damn fool can beg up some kind of job; it takes a wise man to make it without working. Out here we call it ‘hustling.’ I’d like to be a good hustler.”
She didn’t want it.

I heard a voice:
“Hey! I smell fire!”
“YOU DON’T SMELL FIRE,” I yelled, “YOU SMELL SMOKE!”

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

In Germany I was talking with a guy. I told him I was there to, primarily, visit Oktoberfest. He told me, matter-of-factly/with humor, that “Oktoberfest is Mecca for Americans.”

How cool is that guy?

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

P.S. Sorry this isn’t very funny … in my defense Die Hard is on so I have to watch that.

Oh and this guy’s video is waaaaay cooler.

Anywho, the videos are dumb but I didn’t want to shave tiny patches and take pictures like the above link. (Basically I’m saying his video is cooler than either of mine.)

I did two videos because I thought of two different ideas … simple enough. Hope you enjoy them. Today is video numero uno. Tomorrow will be … well I don’t want to spell out EVERYTHING for you.

http://lolabees.wordpress.com/2011/11/28/10-reasons-your-dentist-probably-hates-you-too/

Or if you prefer when a link is in the word here, click here.

Number 2 on that list is this – “You come to your appointment, and it’s obvious you haven’t brushed your teeth in days.”

In DAYS! My God! Do people who don’t brush their teeth for days also go to the dentist?? That is insanity to me! In fact, I do the exact opposite. I treat a dentist appoint like a test, and I do what I call “dental cramming.” Actually that phrase sounds kind of gross.

Anyhow, starting about a week before my appointment I begin to finally floss on a regular basis, and use mouth wash. Up until then it’s once or twice per week for these things … sorry dentists of the world.

I’m curious though – am I the only one who does this dental equivalent of cramming?

I went to Dallas with a friend of mine, who I will call Rainbow Speak. (He’s a very happy dude – Rainbow Speak is his nickname. He was also known as Specialist Smooches at the Warrior Dash.)

On the drive Rainbow Speak and I decided to come up with a list of goals for the next year. A to-do list or bucket list. It starts today (December 1) and goes to December 31 of 2012. At first we were going to accomplish EVERYTHING. But the drive was four hours long, so we just kept adding to it. Now it’s a list of things … that … are there. We’ll see how it goes.

For a lot of them we want to grab a group of people to do them. Some of them are individual.

As I accomplish each one I’ll blog about it. Some can be doubled up – like if I go on a camping trip, I may hike a canyon, so that’s a twofer.

This list has some ridiculous items. Prepare to make fun of me. Here we go. (I may edit it to organize it later … for now I’m lazy.)

The List

Sunrise related event
Milk a cow (That’s right – milk a cow)
Challenge game on boys night out
Cavern/canyon hike
3 camping trips (local/mountian)
1 big camping trip (big bend)
Renfest
Vegas
SxSW
Evening museum event
Orchestra
Play
Opera
Go to cabin
Aeros game
Dynamo game in new stadium
Rockets
Texans
Astros
Scavenger hunt/flash mob
1/mo dinner and board games/invite neighbors
Bike race/event and/or half Marathon
2 kayaking /canoeing trips
comedy club /open Mic /storytelling
pino and Picasso (wine and paint)
big band night /lounge
Wild west learning /salsa
Arts show in the park (ex. bayou city arts festival)
Trip to Europe / overseas
Read 18 books / learn language (for Rainbow Speak) / 12 query letters (for me)
3 weird local road trips (ex. Texas prison museum)
Observatory
Eat at local mom and pops on trips
3 jogs in local Parks / hikes /mountain bike rides
3 Houston museums (new)
Beer can house
6 flags
San antonio / Dallas /Austin trips
3/wk workout
Do weeklong challenges 1/mo
1 compliment to a stranger per wk
Fancy dinner / drinks night / rent hotel / dinner cruise
New Orleans trip
2-3 beach trips
Wakeboarding/ Waterskiing
Blue bell factory
Wine tasting
NBL
Moody gardens / zoo / botanical gardens
Rodeo
Cookoff / food tasting
10k and 5k
3 Volunteer events (habitat, dolphin saving)
2 themed pub crawls
Ridiculous photo shoot
Eat at tapas , 6 new restaurants (house of pies)
Fewer lunches out
3 lectures
2 photo albums
Roller Derby
Random driving tours
3 stupid videos
Shooting range and fishing
Old ppls home (stories /volunteer)
Bed and bfast (girls required!)
Trail ride (girls required!)
Hot air balloon / glider
Pool party / grillout
2 alumni association events
Float guatalupe
Xmas cards / newsletter
Try different cultural festivals
Concert
Beach Olympics
Paintball
Find cool magazines
Anime convension
TED talk
Ice skating

I feel like if I get a girlfriend, and she reads this, I’ll have a lot of questions to answer. For example, “are you gay?” and, “are you sure you’re not gay?”

Back (apologies for my handwriting!)

The text of the postcard is:

Dear Ellen,

Here’s what you do – tape a small map of Brugge to your leg. Then, bump into something. Concerned, your friend will say, “are you all right?” Then you life up your pants and say, “aw, I’ve got a little Brugge on my leg.”

Sincerely,
DumbFunnery.com

An institute, corporation, or group organized for interdisciplinary research (as in technological and social problems) – called also think factory

I don’t think I’ve ever heard the phrase ‘think factory’ but that conjures up all kinds of fun, Roald Dahl-esque imagery.

Anyhow. I went to a wine tasting/grading party on Saturday night and I got drunk. In my drunken state I began to daydream about my own think tank.
‘What’s that? DumbFunnery as the originator of a think tank?’
Why, yes, friend. It not only could happen – it WILL happen. But only if you use the phrase ‘think tank’ in a non-traditional, less-work involving way.

First things first, though. What’s the name of my think tank? Here are some ideas. Feel free to vote.

Please feel free to write in other names if you have something good. If your idea is selected, the think tank will tackle any problem of your choosing. Or if that just sounds like I’m relying on you to be creative in two seperate instances, I’ll figure something else out. You jerk.